Retired couple allow 6 and 9-year-old neighbors to use swimming pool, end the arrangement when mom requests to host daughter's birthday party there: 'They need to consider getting one of their own'

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Ally Perry • Writer and Editor
Apr 18, 2026 9:15 AM EDT

There's a difference between being neighborly and being taken advantage of.

Most people who live close to others really do not want to be seen as the problem neighbor. Life is a lot more pleasant when those who live in your local area think of you as a nice and considerate person, and besides, fostering community by doing favors and hosting social events can prove to be a very rewarding thing to do.

At the same time, there are neighbors who can't help but take a good thing and ruin it, leading to some awkward conversations. They see the people who live near them being generous, and think that is a cue to take as much from them as they can. Some are happy to keep giving, but many others see this kind of behavior as crossing a boundary. If this is an inconvenience where they are getting nothing in return, they will start to have second thoughts about being nice.

The only way to put a stop to these kinds of arrangements is clear communication, but not everybody is going to be reasonable about this. Even if they are, some feel guilty about putting their foot down and no longer accepting what they once tolerated.

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  • Aerial view of a backyard with swimming pool, fire pit, and deck
    via Ahmed (Unsplash+)

    Aerial view of a backyard with swimming pool, fire pit, and deck

  • In this story, an older couple spent a couple of years allowing their neighbors' two young daughters to use their swimming pool during periods of warm weather. What started out as an arrangement that would happen every other week turned into multiple times a week, and the frequency with which they requested the pool was becoming a problem.

    The final straw was when the mom asked if she could host a birthday party at the pool for her youngest daughter, inviting five of her friends. The couple declined, citing liability reasons. Although the mom accepted the decision, there was some anxiety that they had been too harsh.

  • Am I wrong for telling our neighbors that our pool is off-limits?

    We (retired couple 62) live in a rural area and have a great outdoor space that my husband and I have developed over the years that has an above ground pool, deck, tiki bar, great decor, patio furniture. All the stuff for having drinks and spending time in the sun on hot summer days.
    via SassyFace1919
  • We have neighbors that have two young girls (guessing 6 and 9). The past couple of summers, anytime the temp is above 75 degrees, they are texting asking if they can come use our pool. It started out fine...maybe every other week and that worked out OK. Last summer it was maybe three times per week and it was
    via SassyFace1919
  • starting to get annoying and incredibly inconvenient. One time they invited people we don't even know to come with them.
    via SassyFace1919
  • Today I got a text from the mom asking if they could host a birthday party for their youngest daughter and five of her friends at our pool. The party is in August. I sense that this summer is going to be a repeat of last year, and since they are already looking to book dates in advance, I decided to put an
    via SassyFace1919
  • end to it. I declined the party and explained that we have taken the stance that we will not be loaning out our pool any longer, citing liability concerns. I wanted to add, but didn't that with the frequency they use our pool they seriously need to consider getting one
    via SassyFace1919
  • of their own. She seemed understanding and I want to maintain a friendly relationship with them, but they seem to be "give them an inch, they take a mile” type of neighbors. AITJ?
    via SassyFace1919
  • A female child with swimming goggles on her head rests her head and arm on the edge of a swimming pool
    via Getty Images (Unsplash+)

    A female child with swimming goggles on her head rests her head and arm on the edge of a swimming pool

    Image is representative only and does not depict the actual subjects of the story.

  • Srvntgrrl_789 NTA. But I'd get cameras and put up a safety fence, and No Trespassing signs.
    via Srvntgrrl_789
  • Samwry NTJ Classic case of killing the golden goose. I am sure once a month or so would have been nice, seeing kids enjoying themselves. But once it became an expectation rather than a favour, all bets are off.
    via Samwry
  • Liability is a huge issue, especially when you have what I think is called an "attractive nuisance" or something like that. You need to make sure the pool area is secured, locked, and has cameras recording 24 hours a day.
    via Samwry
  • MommaGuy NTJ. I would have put a stop as soon as they invited other people. Call me mean, but my backyard is my oasis. Unless I invite you, stay out.
    via MommaGuy
  • Tavsiyedegildir Nah, better to draw the line in the sand now
    via Tavsiyedegildir
  • nannylive Of course not. They wore out their welcome.
    via nannylive
  • ScarletDarkstar Absolutely not the j . Asking to host a party at your place is overstepping so far it took a lot of nerve to even ask. Half a dozen strangers kids in your pool?!
    via ScarletDarkstar
  • That has to be some increased maintenance and make it more difficult for you to enjoy it as well. It makes me think of the adage 'good fences make good neighbors'. I think you may need a 12 ft fence on their side, no gates.
    via ScarletDarkstar
  • Purple-Prompt4064 You're not a community pool service, and liability alone is a valid reason.
    via Purple-Prompt4064
  • Time-Wear5063 We had a pool at our old house and we pulled the liability card a few times. People got the hint. No one ever asked again after a little while and no one shun us.
    via Time-Wear5063
  • Ginger630 NTJ! If she wants her kids to swim in a pool, she needs to get a pool.
    via Ginger630
  • portezbie I think once they started inviting guests to YOUR pool without asking you, that pretty much put you in the clear.
    via portezbie

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neighbors kids birthday party swimming swimming pool backyard entitled people
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